An open letter to my well-breasted sisters

Dear boobilicious women of the world,

As an enlightened member of the breasted throng, I feel the time has come for me to share some words of wisdom:

• Beware of the built-in. A handy feature for our A-cupped friends, the built-in bra - also referred to as a "shelf bra" should be avoided at all costs. When you have a rack that's slightly more than a handful, a shelf bra makes your boobs look just like that - a shelf. And not just any shelf; a DIY disaster zone that's cushy, wobbly and most probably shows your light switches at the slightest hint of a breeze.

• Know your size. Whether you need help from a pro (ask the woman that has the measuring tape around her neck at any bra shop) or whether you want to read up on it yourself, there is no excuse for an ill-fitting bra. While I realise many offenders of the too-small-bra are offenders of the too-small-clothes, surely it's gotta be uncomfortable to have the back of your bra reefed up on your shoulder blades? A visible bra can be hot; but only if it's the right size and done correctly.

• Know when it's time to keep the girls under wraps. Most common on 40+ cougar types, but not uncommon in the desperate & dateless groups of all ages, is the idea that having the vast majority of your boobage out on display for the world - especially while drunk as a skunk - is attractive. While it may be so in some online porn communities, the rest of the well-dressed world have no interest in seeing your entire mammaries laid bare for all. And if you needed one, this is another reason why getting dressed drunk is a very bad idea.

• Wear the right one. So you've got your bras, even some saucy ones, and they all fit to perfection. Next rule? Wear the right style at the right time. If you're wearing some sort of strappy top ensemble you have two options: 1) wear a fun/sexy bra in a contrasting colour to make it part of your outfit. 2) Make your support invisible. And that doesn't just mean getting those horribly misused clear bra straps. Wear a strapless/low-backed/low-fronted option that is completely by your clothing. Even go back to your fitting buddy with the top and get some help creating a suitable solution.


Ladies, repeat after me, there is nothing worse than a daggy bra sticking out of a jazzy evening top. I guarantee that no love interest or friend will look inside your bra to find out your real size. No one cares what it is - just wear the right one. Your chest, like your entire body, always looks a thousand times better when dressed properly.