An open letter to my well-breasted sisters

Dear boobilicious women of the world,

As an enlightened member of the breasted throng, I feel the time has come for me to share some words of wisdom:

• Beware of the built-in. A handy feature for our A-cupped friends, the built-in bra - also referred to as a "shelf bra" should be avoided at all costs. When you have a rack that's slightly more than a handful, a shelf bra makes your boobs look just like that - a shelf. And not just any shelf; a DIY disaster zone that's cushy, wobbly and most probably shows your light switches at the slightest hint of a breeze.

• Know your size. Whether you need help from a pro (ask the woman that has the measuring tape around her neck at any bra shop) or whether you want to read up on it yourself, there is no excuse for an ill-fitting bra. While I realise many offenders of the too-small-bra are offenders of the too-small-clothes, surely it's gotta be uncomfortable to have the back of your bra reefed up on your shoulder blades? A visible bra can be hot; but only if it's the right size and done correctly.

• Know when it's time to keep the girls under wraps. Most common on 40+ cougar types, but not uncommon in the desperate & dateless groups of all ages, is the idea that having the vast majority of your boobage out on display for the world - especially while drunk as a skunk - is attractive. While it may be so in some online porn communities, the rest of the well-dressed world have no interest in seeing your entire mammaries laid bare for all. And if you needed one, this is another reason why getting dressed drunk is a very bad idea.

• Wear the right one. So you've got your bras, even some saucy ones, and they all fit to perfection. Next rule? Wear the right style at the right time. If you're wearing some sort of strappy top ensemble you have two options: 1) wear a fun/sexy bra in a contrasting colour to make it part of your outfit. 2) Make your support invisible. And that doesn't just mean getting those horribly misused clear bra straps. Wear a strapless/low-backed/low-fronted option that is completely by your clothing. Even go back to your fitting buddy with the top and get some help creating a suitable solution.


Ladies, repeat after me, there is nothing worse than a daggy bra sticking out of a jazzy evening top. I guarantee that no love interest or friend will look inside your bra to find out your real size. No one cares what it is - just wear the right one. Your chest, like your entire body, always looks a thousand times better when dressed properly.

I will never love you more than...

...new shoes from Wittner.



On sale. Saved $100. Apparently they're a Chanel knock-off. Nina got them too. We've arranged to both wear them out tonight. Girl at shoe shop was mortified. In our billion year friendship though, Nina and I have only really ever had one wardrobe item exactly the same: our backpacks were identical in 1993.


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Love, love, love...

...these shoes. (And, if available, you can throw in a set of those legs for me too)
 

Photo from Jak & Jil - one of the greatest blogs for high-end fashion photography 

These ankle boots are by Louboutin & I also have a slight obsession with the similar ones from last season's Camilla & Marc collection... Holding out for a sub-$300 version. Somewhere? Anywhere?

The Lost Writer

I just finished reading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. For a man who has made a helluva lot of coin from creating novels, his writing really frustrates me. I have however, read all five of his books.

On the one hand, this man fills his pages with copious amounts of information - the hard-earned result of much intense research. This is the reason why I continue to buy his hardcovers, knowingly funding his high-flying lifestyle and tweed-filled wardrobe.

On the other hand however, he's not a very good writer. Now, before you say, "Hey hypocrite! Where's your New York Times Best Seller??", I fully acknowledge this man's ability to create a story - he has a great imagination, incredible research skills and a drive to unearth stories that the general public should take the time to read.

The thing is though, parts like this are all too frequent: "He was sweating now beneath his blindfold. He wanted only to take it off. They stopped walking now."

They stopped walking now???

Maybe "They had stopped walking now" or "Suddenly, they stopped walking" but definitely not "They stopped walking now" - it just sounds ridiculous: Like as though Mr Brown had his tenses all mixed up and his editor was simply exhausted by page 479.

Thematically, the book is very, very similar to the rest of Brown's work. And I'm fairly sure he read The Secret as part of his research. Unmasking the ways of that not-so-secret-society - The Masons - The Lost Symbol's most interesting character is - in true Brown style - the leading lady, Katherine Solomon. And unlike Professor Langdon's previous off-siders, Katherine is described as over 50. Odds are she gets a good 15 years chopped off her for the cinematic adaptation.

Happy 2010!

Here's to fresh starts, new beginnings, and a friggin awesome year all round - Lord knows, we could all do with more fun than the challenges of 2009!


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